My Say

my mum forwarded me this email about a British expat living in Malaysia and his take on drivers and driving in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. its hilarious but somehow true. as a Malaysian myself, i found this amusing. i actually believed that Malaysia is a MODERN country with 3rd World Mentality people... not all of course. and as written by Mr. Astley... you will know why.

For now, this is my version... the CAMBODIAN side of roads... (in blue)


WHAT ARE ROADS IN MALAYSIA (CAMBODIA) USED FOR?
David Astley, a British guy, now living in KL has his say...
Edmund Lou, a Malaysian, living in Phnom Penh has his say...

A guide for expatriate drivers in Malaysia (Cambodia)

Since arriving in Malaysia in 1997, I have tried on many occasions to buy a copy of the Malaysian road rules, but have come to the conclusion that no such publication exists (or if it does, it has been out of print for years). Therefore after carefully observing the driving habits of Malaysian drivers, I believe I have at last worked out the rules of the road in Malaysia . For the benefit of other expatriates living in Malaysia , and the 50% of local drivers who acquired their driving licences without taking a driving test, I am pleased to share my knowledge below:
I arrived in Phnom Penh about 6 months back and trust me, the traffic here is far worst than those i experienced in Kuala Lumpur. publications such as Road Rules are no where to be found but like what the locals and other expats would say... WATCH OUT! here we go...


Q: What is the most important rule of the road in Malaysia (Cambodia)?
A: The most important rule is that you must arrive at your destination ahead of the car in front of you. This is the sacrosanct rule of driving in Malaysia. All other rules are subservient to this rule.
A: Every man for himself. the honk is your best friend.

Q: What side of the road should you drive on in Malaysia (Cambodia)?
A: 99.7% of cars drive on the left hand side, 0.2% on the right hand side, and 0.1% drive in reverse (be on the look out for drivers reversing at high speed in the left hand lane of freeways, having just missed their exit). Therefore on the basis of 'majority rules', it is recommended that you drive on the left. However, be aware that only 90% of motorcyclists travel on the left hand side - the other 10% ride in the opposite direction or on the sidewalk. Fortunately, motorcyclists travelling in reverse are rarely seen.
A: since it is left hand drive, therefore we drive on the right side of the road. the normal roads in the city is just 2 lanes wide and an emergency lane, smaller in width compared to the normal lane. the rule is, vehicles with 4 wheels rule the left side of the road. slower vehicles with 4 wheels onto the middle. as for the emergency lane (right side), it is dedicated to vehicles with 2-3 wheels. at some cases, 2-3 wheeled vehicles can be found on the center lane. this is for the 10% conservative drivers. the remaining 90% of road users can be found in anywhere on the road, directions coming from the opposite, left to right, right to left, diagonal, snaking; however one can maneuver their vehicles.


Q: What are the white lines on the roads?
A: These are known as lane markers and were used by the British in the colonial days to help them drive straight. Today their purpose is mainly decorative, although a double white line is used to indicate a place that is popular to overtake!
A: in traffic law, it is suppose to divide the traffic flow. in Cambodian minds, it is considered as a work of art, a well drawn straight line.

Q: When can I use the emergency lane?
A: You can use the emergency lane for any emergency, e.g. you are late for work, you left the toaster plugged in at home, you are bursting to go to the toilet, you have a toothache or you have just dropped your Starbucks coffee in your lap. As it is an emergency, you may drive at twice the speed of the other cars on the road.
A: feel free. the only setback would be that you have to hustle space with the 2-3 wheel vehicles and also pedestrians. and you wont get to your destination quicker.

Q: Do traffic lights have the same meaning as in other countries?
A: Not quite. Green is the same - that means 'Go', but amber and red are different. Amber means 'Go like hell' and red means 'Stop if there is traffic coming in the other direction or if there is a policeman on the corner'. Otherwise red means the same as green. Note that for buses, red lights do not take effect until five seconds after the light has changed.
A: in the books, YES. in their minds, NO. here goes, Green = GO. Amber = GO. Red = GO, but stop if your chances of squeezing through vehicles crossing your path goes up in smoke. it is because of this, they have timers on most traffic lights in Phnom Penh. still, back to square one as i said.

Q: What does the sign 'Jalan Sehala' mean?
A: This means 'One Way Street' and indicates a street where the traffic is required to travel in one direction. The arrow on the sign indicates the preferred direction of the traffic flow, but is not compulsory. If the traffic is not flowing in the direction in which you wish to travel, then reversing in that direction is the best option.
A: like what Mr. Astley said in the first statement... BUT again, feel free to go on the opposite direction. make a U-e (U-turn) if you see a cop ahead of you.

Q: What does the sign 'Berhenti' mean?
A: This means 'Stop', and is used to indicate a junction where there is a possibility that you may have to stop if you cannot fool the cars on the road that you are entering into thinking that you are not going to stop.
A: STOP! ok, i exaggerated because there is no exclamation marks on the sign post. most of the time, this sign post is ignored because it is too high from eye view or it is made into a structure for people to display things. they are very good at using every inch of their land, really.

Q: What does the sign 'Beri Laluan' mean?
A: This means ' Give Way ', and is used to indicate a junction where the cars on the road that you are entering will give way to you provided you avoid all eye contact with them and you can fool them into thinking that you have not seen them.
A: no such sign... like i said, every man for himself.

Q: What does the sign 'Dilarang Masuk' mean?
A: This means 'No Entry'. However, when used on exit ramps in multi-storey car parks, it has an alternative meaning which is: 'Short cut to the next level up'.
A: pretty much the same as 'BERHENTI'.

Q: What does the sign 'Pandu Cermat' mean?
A: This means 'Drive Smartly', and is placed along highways to remind drivers that they should never leave more than one car length between them and the car in front, irrespective of what speed they are driving. This is to ensure that other cars cannot cut in front of you and thus prevent you from achieving the primary objective of driving in Malaysia , and that is to arrive ahead of the car in front of you. If you can see the rear number plate of the car in front of you, then you are not driving close enough.
A: sadly, this sign post cannot be found in Phnom Penh, but companies are making themselves heard by having sign posts that say, Drive Smart, Drive Safe. Smart is a telco company here in Cambodia, by the way. again, Drive Safe (Every Man For Himself) is the slogan used by most road users. honk your way through too!

Q: What is the speed limit in Malaysia (Cambodia)?
A: The concept of a speed limit is unknown in Malaysia.
A: this is a blardy good question! for real, i have not seen a single sign post that indicates the speed limit. fantastic!

Q: So what are the round signs on the highways with the numbers 60, 80 and 110?
A: This is the amount of the 'on-the-spot' fine (in ringgits - the local currency) that you have to pay to the police if you are stopped on that stretch of the highway. Note that for expatriates or locals driving Mercedes or BMWs, the on-the-spot fine is double the amount shown on the sign.
A: not applicable. but Mr. Astley is spot on about that in Malaysia.

Q: Where do you pay the 'on-the-spot' fine?
A: As the name suggests, you pay it 'on-the-spot' to the policeman who has stopped you. You will be asked to place your driving licence on the policeman's notebook that he will hand to you through the window of your car. You will note that there is a spot on the cover of the notebook. Neatly fold the amount of your fine into four, place the fine on the spot, and then cover it with your driving licence so that it cannot be seen. Pass it carefully to the policeman. Then, with a David Copperfield movement of his hands, he will make your money
disappear. It is not necessary to applaud.
A: David, it take years to perfect this movement... over here, just get out or down from your vehicle and approach the bloke sitting with a table. he is the cashier. talk over a cuppa and there might be discounts too. 

Q: But isn't this a bribe?
A: Oh pleeease, go and wash your mouth out. What do you want? A traffic ticket? Yes, you can request one of those instead, but it will cost you twice the price, forms to fill out, cheques to write, envelopes to mail, and then three months later when you are advised that your fine was never received, more forms to fill out, a trip to the police station, a trip to the bank, a trip back to the police station, and maybe then you will wish you had paid 'on-the-spot'.
A: hah, now this is applicable over here. yes, BRIBE. bribery is basically a norm in Cambodia. the police here probably brings a few pieces of summon tickets cause it is normally not in use. on a motorcycle, it is compulsory for the Rider to wear a helmet, but not applicable to the Pillion riderS. yes, i emphasized on the plurality of RiderS. you can have 5 pillion riders on one motorcyle, not a problem... just make sure the Rider has his helmet on... and also side mirrors (2) and a license plate. failure to convene these necessity would result in a "ticket", normally at a cost of 2,000 - 5,000 riels (about USD1.50 and below). recently, the establishment of having drivers to put on the safety belt has increased the authority's pocket money, drastically. 

Q: But what if I haven't broken any road rules?
A: It is not common practice in Malaysia to stop motorists for breaking road rules (because nobody is really sure what they are). The most common reasons for being stopped are:
(a) the policeman is hungry and would like you to buy him lunch;
(b) the policeman has run out of petrol and needs some money to get back to the station;
(c) you look like a generous person who would like to make a donation to the police welfare fund; or
(d) you are driving an expensive car which means you can afford to make a donation to the police welfare fund.
A: are you sure? if you just drove out of a flood that covered your whole car... that is an offense. vehicles that are TOO dirty in the authority's eyes shall be brought to justice!

Q: Does my car require a roadworthy certificate before I can drive it in Malaysia (Cambodia)?
A: No, roadworthy certificates are not required in Malaysia. However there are certain other statutory requirements that must be fulfilled before your car can be driven in Malaysia.
Firstly, you must ensure that your windscreen is at least 50% obscured with English football club decals, golf club membership stickers or condo parking permits. Secondly, you must place a tissue box (preferably in a white lace cover) on the back shelf of your car under the rear window . Thirdly, you must hang as many CDs or plastic ornaments from your rear vision mirror as it will support. Finally, you must place a Garfield doll with suction caps on one of your windows. Your car will then be ready to drive on Malaysian roads.
A: not that i am aware off. there are cars that looked like alien UFOs on the streets of Phnom Penh at night. those blue lights are just too glaring. Rule No. 1, do not turn on your lights in the DAY. if you see a car with the headlamps on during the day, avoid all troubles and be humble. vehicles with their lights on during broad daylight signifies dignitaries, rich men, army personnel, government servants and sometimes newbies. in Australia, lights are turn on during the day as it helps opposite cars to see you clearer... so mate, not in Cambodia yea. Rule No. 2, hands on the honk, forget the steering wheel.

Q: What does a single yellow line along the edge of a road mean?
A: This means parking is permitted.
A: decorations, another fine work of art by the painters. be aware of sign posts with a roman I with a diagonal line over it. this means no parking on this side of the road on ODD number days but you may park on the other side of the pavement / road. there is also another that states a roman II, go figure. someone told me once that this sign posts are used in France as well... skeptical...

Q: What does a double yellow line along the edge of a road mean?
A: This means double parking is permitted.
A: no such work of art found in Phnom Penh.

Q: What does a yellow box with a diagonal grid of yellow lines painted on the road at a junction mean?
A: Contrary to the understanding of many local drivers, this does not mean that diagonal parking is permitted. It indicates a junction that is grid-locked at peak hours.
A: its called the COOL zone. vehicles in this particular yellow box with diagonal grids are the coolest on the road. its so cool that everybody wants to be in it... no matter what the cost is.

Q: Can I use my mobile phone whilst driving in Malaysia (Cambodia)?
A: No problem at all, but it should be noted that if you wish to use the rear-vision mirror to put on your lipstick (women only please) or trim your eyebrows at the same time as you are using a mobile phone in the other hand, you should ensure that you keep an elbow free to steer the car. Alternatively, you may place a toddler on your lap and have the child steer the car whilst you are carrying out these other essential driving tasks.
A: go ahead. the authorities couldnt be bothered bout that... they are too busy picking out 2-wheelers. and just make sure your safety belt is on!

Q: Is it necessary to use indicator lights in Malaysia (Cambodia)?
A: These blinking orange lights are commonly used by newly arrived expatriate drivers to indicate they are about to change lanes. This provides a useful signal to local drivers to close up any gaps to prevent the expatriate driver from changing lanes. Therefore it is recommended that expatriate drivers adopt the local practice of avoiding all use of indicator lights. However, it is sometimes useful to turn on your left hand indicator if you want to merge right, because this confuses other drivers enabling you to take advantage of an unprotected gap in the traffic.
A: as you wish, my Lord. an indicator light turned on means the user is either making a tight-dash-and-run turn, a u-turn, a straight-diagonal turn, an opposite-from-what-it-indicates turn and when honks start to sound making you feel really guilty.

Q: Why do some local drivers turn on their left hand indicator and then turn right, or turn on their right hand indicator and then turn left?
A: This is one of the unsolved mysteries of driving in Malaysia.
A: we are still trying to get the users to use indicators... 

Bonus Question:
Q: Is honking really necessary? 
A: unless you wanna be a loser on the road, then NO.


Remember:
1. No lights on during the day
2. Honk to get smaller vehicles out of the way. these smaller ones belong on the middle or emergency lane.
3. Flash your light if you dont have enough time to get back into the lane whilst overtaking. this is to warn oncoming traffic.
4. When making a left turn, try to go on the opposite direction before entering the right flow of direction. right turns on the other hand requires no BERHENTI.
5. Get your motorcycle rider to wear his helmet, fix up the two side mirrors and ensure the license plate is intact. then, get your bunch of friends on the motorcycle before heading off to play volleyball.
6. In the case of an accident, the bigger one normally pays for the damage, ignoring whose fault it is. BUT, when it involves the vehicles with the headlamps on during the day, either you pay, or you walk off peacefully.
7. At traffic lights, observe the pedestrian timer, that is your F1 countdown before you zoom off.
8. 90% of the time, there will be an idiot, or two flying pass a Red light, just be aware of that.
9. Get on the opposite side of the road in any case of you needing to make a left turn, this will show other road users to LOOK AT ME, IM CROSSING.
10. the key to road users in Phnom Penh, EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.


Good Luck!